Royaled
by Ruby Fire Wolfson
Summary: A funny fic about Roy and Ed on a desk when Al walks in. RoyEd, sorta Al, too. Kinda.


Royaled

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"Oh, please, Roy," Ed moaned. "You really shouldn't."

Roy panted against Ed's neck. "You're right. I shouldn't take advantage of someone beneath me-"

"In more ways than one."

"Damn it, would you let me finish?"

Ed sighed and went back to licking Roy's neck.

"Ahem, where was I?"

"Uh, taking advantage of someone of lower rank…" Ed started pulling at the buttons on the colonel's shirt. "I don't see that ever stopping you. Riza? Remember her? The scary lady with the gun?"

"Shut up." Roy shoved the boy roughly onto the desk, sending papers flying every which way. "Ah yes. I also shouldn't take advantage of someone who is half my age."

"I'm OK with that."

Roy, who was starting to work on getting his pants undone, slapped a hand over Ed's mouth. "I order you to shut up!"

"Not my fault you're a pervert."

"Well, Fullmetal, it's not my fault that you are such wonderful jailbait."

"You're still- hmmm!"

Ed's mouth was suddenly very occupied with Roy's. As each other's hands became clumsy as they fumbled with each other shirts, they tore cloth and buttons went everywhere.

While Roy was greatly enjoying licking Ed's nipples, there was a knock.

"Niisan, have you - oh my."

Roy felt Ed go stiff. But not in the way he liked.

"Uh, Roy, why didn't you lock the door?"

Roy turned his head and suddenly wished that it could have been anyone else but Al who walked in. Fury, Havoc, Hughes, his mother, or even the Fuher himself would have been preferable.

"Al, it's not what it looks like!" Ed shouted as he threw Roy off him and halfway across the room. "Uh, my assessment is coming up and I challenged him to another fight. Yeah! And we got started early!"

Al, who was very happy he did not show facial expressions, did not say anything.

The colonel got up and readjusted what was left of his pants. "Alphonse Elric. As your brother's command officer, I am going to have to ask you to leave. This is strict confidential material we are discussing. We can't risk having any leaks."

"Um, but Colonel, can I ask a favor?"

"Oh for God's sake! Do you want to see if I can set metal on fire?"

"Well, um, can I watch?" Al asked innocently.

There was silence.

Al began to explain himself in a very hurried and embarrassed tone. "It's just that I am technically 14-"

Ed buried his face in his hands.

"- and I am starting to become very curious about… you know… these kinds of things. And it's not like I'll be able to participate any time soon."

"Al," Ed growled. "No."

"But that's not fair, brother! You get to have all the fun!" Al pleaded, "I would never ask you of this if I had a real body, because then it'd be possible for me to sleep with Colonel Mustang!"

"Al, no."

"Niisan!"

"I said no!"

"I'm so lonely! All I want to do is watch!"

"No!" Ed grabbed a paper weight and hurled it in Al's direction. "That's too much like incest for me!"

"Fullmetal!" Roy barked. "Are you afraid of not performing well with an audience?"

"That's not the point!" Ed thought about transmuting another paperweight to throw at Roy. "He is my brother! Got that? We have the same parents. Just because we're from Riesembol doesn't mean we have family orgies or inbreed with each other!"

"Ed, he can only watch."

"He's my brother!"

"Niisan!"

Roy decided to move things along by jumping on top of the boy, pinning back down where he was before this whole incident started. He silence Edward with his kisses while his hands traveled downward, pulling at what little clothing was still left on the handsome young man.

When Ed tried to push him away, Roy pushed back.

"Fullmetal," Roy snarled. "I've gotten this far already. I'm not going to let an empty suit of armor stop me."

Al quietly shut and locked the door before he turned to watch the two on the desk. The two of them were beautiful. So soft and full of feeling-

"_Sciezska!" Winry yelled. "I asked you to help me and Auntie with dinner!"_

_Sciezska snapped her notebook quickly. "I'm sorry! So sorry! I just lost track of time."_

_Winry laughed. "It's pretty unusual to see you writing instead of reading. What were you writing about?"_

"_Just something I thought about while I was working at the office."_

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Author's note: I really like to apologize for this but it was a lot of fun. Also, I would like to think my title is clever.


End file.
